I thought I’d dedicate today’s post to the great Jan Berenstain, who died Friday at the age of 88. Jan and her husband, Stan (though I usually advocate steering clear of rhyming spousal names, I’ll make an exception here), wrote and illustrated hundreds of books, among them the popular “Berenstain Bears” series.
I devoured these books when I was a kid. Somewhere in Circle Pines, Minn., sits a stack of dog-eared, well-loved books that taught me the dangers of junk food and strangers and greed and partying. I read them constantly, over and over again, but I always gravitated toward one book in particular.
Which brings me to the purpose of this post. I conducted a highly scientific study in which I made things up and wrote them down so that you, dear reader, can see what your favorite BB books says about you. Let’s get started with my top read.
Orlando’s a sweet kid who once posed for our art class, just sat straight-backed in the chair for an hour while we took our pencils and turned his face into alien shapes on our easels. I hadn’t seen him in about two years, until I went to the holiday open house at my friend Elliott’s art gallery over the weekend. Orlando was taller and even cuter, his hair curly and his eyes dark brown, and he decided that he was going to help me find a job.
“How much do you want to make?” he said. “Fifty dollars a week?”
Um, maybe a little more than that.
“Do you want to be a model?”
“How about customer service?”
His mom works in customer service. She is a patient and kind person. I explained to him that I am, uh, not.
“Hmm,” he said. “How about a movie star?”
This kid should work in sales.
“Do you want to be a cheerleader?”
No, said. I am neither perky nor flexible. Also, I am old.
“How about a garbage man?”
I can’t really remember being 11, but I’m sure that when I was, I never thought of employment as a tangible, actual thing. I thought everyone grew up to be astronauts and rock stars and doctors. I didn’t realize employment included the people who were behind the registers and who were handing me menus and who were delivering my New Kids on the Block fan club registration. I couldn’t fathom a layoff. Like Orlando, I thought you said what you wanted to be, and then you were that. And you made $50 a week.
Maybe it’s time to think that way again. Maybe it’s time to dream. Maybe it’s time to become a trash-hauling movie star with pom-pons, a pleasantly even voice and the ability to press a mean crease into a pant leg. Or there’s always that old fallback, modeling.