What your favorite Berenstain Bears book says about you

Like this book, hate going to the bars.

I thought I’d dedicate today’s post to the great Jan Berenstain, who died Friday at the age of 88. Jan and her husband, Stan (though I usually advocate steering clear of rhyming spousal names, I’ll make an exception here), wrote and illustrated hundreds of books, among them the popular “Berenstain Bears” series.

I devoured these books when I was a kid. Somewhere in Circle Pines, Minn., sits a stack of dog-eared, well-loved books that taught me the dangers of junk food and strangers and greed and partying. I read them constantly, over and over again, but I always gravitated toward one book in particular.

Which brings me to the purpose of this post. I conducted a highly scientific study in which I made things up and wrote them down so that you, dear reader, can see what your favorite BB books says about you. Let’s get started with my top read.

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I fell in love with a stupid fish

My sister’s betta fish died today. This probably means very little to you, but suddenly I feel like it’s two years ago and I’m crying over the little guy floating at the top of a bowl in my kitchen.

His name was Officer Friendly. Yes, Officer Friendly. I don’t have a picture of him, but he looked like this photo I stole from the internet:

I hadn’t had a pet since my three wicked hamsters, Hammy, Flipper and Squeaky, biters and escape artists, died in their cage. I think I was 12, and their loss was the greatest grief I’d known. Pets were done for me. I didn’t even want Friendly, but my sister got him for me one winter when life seemed impossibly hard, when I started learning the truth about the man I loved. Reality was slipping away.

Friendly just ignored me and kept swimming.

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